Them Old Blood And Bones.

In 1974 while I was living at Ayers House my world was turned upside down by a terrible event that brought my motorbike days skidding to an abrupt end.  I had just finished work at the factory and I was riding the new Suzuki back into the city along Payneham Road.  As I passed through the fourway intersection of Payneham, Magill, Kensington and North Terrace a car came careering through a red light on my left.  I had less than a split second to apply the brakes before we connected.  The front disc locked and the rear of the bike swung around smashing into the front of the speeding vehicle.  My left leg was sitting between the bikes battery compartment and the metal fender of the car.  I was thrown violently from the bike and I landed on my bum facing South.  My lower left leg was badly broken and twisted and it was pointing pretty much due North.  The white and sinuous joint of my knee was exposed and blood was spurting out like something from a Monty Python movie.  The lower leg was laying flat on the bitumen attached to the rest of me by a mere scrap of skin and twitching repulsively like a dying fish. 

The traffic came to a standstill on all sides of the intersection.  A school bus stopped right in front of me and I was confronted with a surreal and disturbing image, as pretty young schoolgirls started vomiting out of the windows.  This vision straight from the bowels of hell was replaced by a wall of concerned people who were standing around me in a horrified circle.  Voices echoed in a helpless blur of confusion and I was laid down by caring faces, which framed a clear blue, September sky.  I heard the words,“This guy’s a Nurse” and a young man broke through the wall of people.   He kneeled down at my side and comforted me briefly while introducing himself as “Fred Steel”. A nurse from the Royal Adelaide Hospital.  Once the formalities were out of the way he sprung into action like one of those guys in the television medical series.  The first thing he did was rip off his shirt and tie it tightly around my upper leg.  Then he lifted my semi-severed lower leg from the bitumen and arranged it so that it vaguely resembled the right shape.  He removed my safety helmet and placed it under the upper leg to further reduce the bleeding, then he commenced to massage the whole limb till his hands were blood red to the elbows.  As he attended to me he was also organising the crowd to call for an ambulance and clear the intersection for when it arrived.  He was totally in control of the situation and it offered much needed assurance that more help was on the way.  I felt that I was in capable hands but it didn’t erase the disturbing thought that I might bleed to death before they could get me to hospital.  I would not recommend being fully conscious during ordeals of this kind to anyone.  I was desperate for any type of distraction from the moment, so I started chatting to Fred about everything and nothing at the same time.  As he massaged my mangled leg I thought of something that might offer an escape from the agony and the absolute horror I was enduring.  I asked him if he considered himself a pretty strong sort of bloke and he said he thought he was.  I asked him if he could knock a man out in one punch and my question was received with raised eyebrows.  He said he believed it was within his abilities in a tone which hinted he knew exactly what I was getting at.  I asked him if he would do me the honor of punching my lights out and he said that he couldn’t because he was a nurse and it was against the law.  My second great idea came in a flash.  At school I had quite a reputation among the lads as a champion arm wrestler and I asked Fred if he would care to oblige.  He was hesitant but he agreed to do it when a woman from the crowd offered to continue massaging my leg.  Her name was Julia and she announced with a certain air of pride that she had been a nurse during the Vietnam war.  In the consciousness jolting intensity of the moment I must have started hallucinating because my good Samaritans were illuminated by dazzling halos of swirling, spiraling rainbows.

                                          'I  felt I was  in  the  presence  of  heaven  sent  Guardian  Angels’

 I was writhing and delirious with pain so I was barely capable of lifting my arm vertically from the bitumen.  Fred performed an impressive display of gymnastics until he was stretched out on the road directly facing me.  He helped to lock my wrist with his own and we started applying pressure.  Fred was about six years older than myself and very fit.  I knew he wasn’t going to give me any chances by the aggressive nature of his grasp so I gave it my best shot from the word go.  We pushed in with great determination and became so preoccupied that it actually came as a surprise when we heard the first beautiful screams of the ambulance coming up North Terrace.  My chariot of divine mercy came to a stop as Fred and I continued the arm wrestle and smiled deep into each other’s eyes. Ambulance officers swooped into the circle of concerned onlookers and a quick jab sent me floating out of the pain. Like a windswept feather I surrendered to the numbing embrace of the drug as they strapped me into an ambulance stretcher. I was transported at little more than a peak hour crawl to the Royal Adelaide Hospital as blood was poured into my veins.  In a state of shock and delirium I remember looking out the window as we entered the emergency driveway and I saw kitty standing at the front gates of Ayers House.  She was wearing her Lavender lady frock and smoking a ciggie.  Her and one of the attendants were chatting in the sunshine and it was a surreal moment. Kitty was completely unaware that the incoming ambulance contained her new border.  The large swinging doors of the emergency entrance flew open I was set upon by a fast moving team of doctors and other medical attendants.  The last few moments before I fell blissfully unconscious were charged with urgent efficiency.  There was an element of unworldly weirdness about the setting and it was further intensified by the fact I knew the guy who was holding the mask over my face.  Kitty’s eldest son Andrew worked at the hospital as an Anaesthetist.  Prior to this moment we had only ever engaged in brief getting to know you conversations when he came to visit his folks at the house.   Now he was standing over me offering brotherly comfort as he administered the knockout blow.  The last thought that crossed my mind as I went under was the fact that Andrew emanated the same luminous glow I had seen radiating from Fred and Julia at the crash scene. 

On my return to the brightly lit realms of consciousness I looked down to find that my leg suspended within a blood filled plastic bag.  The observation nurse who was on duty had been waiting for me to open my eyes and the moment I did she was at my bedside.  Just like the others she had that same hallucinogenic tinge.  As I looked closer I was struck by yet another bizarre coincidence.  It was Emma the ex-girlfriend of my brother Dudley.  She was the first girl he had ever dated when we were living in Elizabeth.  Emma frowned slightly at the mention of Dudley’s name.  All she really wanted to do was find out if I was allergic to any drugs and take down other personal details.  I was still in the grip of shock and chattering away like a two bob watch.  Emma intercepted the stream of meaningless verbiage to tell me what had happened while I was out cold.  I underwent an initial bone reconstruction operation which had proved a success thus far, but I was still very much on the critical list.  All she could tell me apart from that was the fact I was involved in some kind of micro-surgery experiment and the physicians were working out what to do next.  The entire leg had been placed in a vacuum bag right up to my crutch and I was being pumped constantly with blood in an attempt to keep it alive.  The leg floated around in that plastic bag for five excruciating days and every time I moved it was like a lightening bolt had struck the tattered stump of my knee.   On the morning of the third day I was moved out of intensive care into an orthopedic ward where I found myself in the company of a number of other battered and broken young men.   Many of them had been involved in bike related prangs as well and most had lost a limb in the trauma.  I was counting my lucky stars because at least they were trying to save mine. The police came to interview me the day after I was admitted and they informed me that I had been involved in a hit and run accident. 

ACCIDENT!’, How could anybody with half a brain describe a hit and run situation as an accident?  The two just don’t belong together in the same breath.  The act of jumping a red light is based on precise and conscious intent and I was expected to be satisfied with ACCIDENT!’.  They told me they were hunting for a suspect based on information received at the scene of the crash and all they had to go on was the fact it was a white male driving a red Datsun.  The insensitive fuckheads actually made light of my predicament by saying, “Hey!, Even if we don’t catch the bastard, you’re still gonna clean up on compo”.  I think the best part of me died that day as I comprehended the spirit crushing fact I had been cheated out of my youth by some unknown and as yet unpunished person.

I descended into a black and seething mood.  In a withdrawn and unapproachable state I indulged in angry and vengeful imaginings involving myself and the faceless driver of a red speeding car.  Just twenty four hours earlier I had been a brave and strapping young champion.  Destined for success and unstoppable.  I could sing and I could dance like motherfucker.  I could spin a mighty yarn that would have people in stitches and I was so on the frigging ball that no-one could put a trick past me.  I was the special one out of the pack who could do anything, be anything and I thought the world was my big fat, juicy oyster.  I guess I couldn’t have been too sharp after all because didn’t see that, ‘Spawn of the devil, low life affliction upon humanity’ coming through the red light.

                                                                                            Blood on the road.


So at last we meet my would be assassin, far better for you if I had died.

Come absorb the pain I have suffered and the countless tears that I have cried.

I know not your name and I know not your face, only you, know who you are.

September the fourth, nineteen seventy four you left me for dead, in the tracks of your car.

A hit and run driver in peak hour traffic, bloodstains on your bumper and tires

a crumpled bike in the rear view mirror, beside it a smashed up, young man lies.

Now perhaps, just a blurred recollection, like a poem  you may have read somewhere

a distant reminder of something you did, for which you showed no remorse or care.

Take heed to my words for ‘karma is real’ and all of us reap from the seeds  we sow

If Hell  exists for parting souls then  into the furnace your spirit will go.

I’ll follow you down to the bowels of damnation and stalk you forever through an endless fire.

I wish you well for eternity friend, for the hunt is on and I will never tire.

In her role as a Lavender lady Kitty was my most regular visitor in the ward and I got more of her time than the other patients because we were buddies.   My parents made as many trips as they could down from Owen but as the months dragged on their visits became less frequent.  All of a sudden Anna Maria changed from being my hot and sexy, big city girlfriend into something more like a sister or invalid carer.   She used to come in and see me on most afternoons and would bring Grecian treats from the restaurant where she worked.  Long term patients such as I were granted special privileges and sometimes the nursing staff would let her stay a little longer after visiting hours.  I was driven to distraction by the flirtatious antics of the frisky, young nurses, so a little slap and tickle in the evenings went a long way in helping me to remember what it felt like to be normal.  Other than zombying out on the bedside telly or following the movements of the better looking nurses there is very little for a young bloke to do in hospital.  There’s no escape from the god awful clock on the wall as it goes through it’s painfully slow cycle from morning till night.  As each hour grinds along between the last shot of pethidine and the next the agony increases until the most hardy of thrill seeking, teenage heroes deteriorates into a writhing, moaning wreck.

Like every other guy in the ward my main occupation was to count the moments until it was time for another trip into comfortably numb oblivion.  My idea of getting out of it prior to my hospital admission was a few beers with the lads on the weekend.  For most of my stay at the Royal Adelaide I was wasted on an alternating cocktail of pethidine, morphine and fortral.  It was the most vulnerable and totally useless I have ever felt and sometimes the pain was actually preferable to feeling like a fully conscious corpse.  My body was numbed to the bone but my mind was racing like a rocket ship to mars. With nothing to do but endure the pain and curse the trick card life had dealt me my mind became a rumbling steamroller of disconnected thoughts and emotions.  Back in the seventy’s there was no such thing as trauma counselling for hit and run victims so you just had to rise above the despair somehow or go completely nuts.  It’s a bloody good job that I am a natural born optimist.  As the weeks passed and the shock of the trauma subsided I was able to make sense of the chaotic jabberings in my head. A renewed clarity of thought helped me to recognize positive elements among the misery and high on the list was the fact I had cheated death.  With this knowledge I started to embrace a whole new way of looking at the world with chance a key component and survival the golden rule.  On the topic of chance it was like I had been swept along in a series of unexplainable coincidence from the moment I hit the bitumen.  What are the odds that a couple of qualified nurses might be right at the scene of a smash, as it happened?.  Then there is the infinitely remote chance of an incoming patient being attended to by the son of his landlady in the emergency room of a large city hospital.  To go out cold in the care of a friend and wake up in the company of another is nothing short of remarkable considering we shared such limited history.  To top it all off I had been selected by the fates as a guinea pig in the first ever attempt to reattach a severed limb.  The whole chain of events hinted a special psychic connection and I entertained the notion that my rainbow tinted guardian angels were actually ‘Alien Health Workers’ disguised as everyday medical attendants.

In 1974 the worlds leading micro-surgeons just happened to be Australians and it was lucky for me they were based at the Royal Adelaide Hospital.  As the doctors were doing their rounds on the fifth morning of my stay I met one of the surgeons who was going to try to save my leg.  His name was George Potter and he said he could offer me no guarantee that the efforts of he and his colleagues would be a success.  After the briefing I gladly signed an official release form which gave them permission to operate further.  As I did he stressed the point that they were working in unfamiliar territory and I could lose my leg at any time.  He delivered this news with warm sincerity and through the psychedelic swirls of his clean and righteous aura I could tell he was a good man.  As he was giving me the details of my situation Doctor Potter leaned in real close over my bed and directed a question which caught me completely off guard.   He asked if I knew anything about ‘mind over matter’ and I said that I had never really thought about it.  In a somber and knowing tone he suggested that I might start thinking about it, because success or failure in the operations ahead may very well depend on a little help from me.   After this intriguing little chat with the doctor I was absolutely convinced that my, ... ‘Alien Health Worker Theory’ was correct.  I had been selected by the rolling dice of chance and human progress to take part in a ground breaking medical experiment and I was being given clues about my involvement by the other players in a history making event.

‘Mind  over  Matter’, ... Mmmm!, ... interesting’

I soon learned from Fred’s gossip mongering, fellow workers that he wished he was a doctor instead.  Who gives a flying fuck if he wished he was a doctor or the king of the whole smoking shitpile?  He saved my life and he can be anything he bloody well likes.  In the natural course of his profession Fred had been following new developments in micro-surgery with keen interest.  He was aware that the surgeons were waiting for the right accident to occur so that they could attempt to save a full limb section and the emergency room were on standby for such an event. When he spotted my newly severed leg flopping around on the roadside Fred must have seen it as a golden opportunity to be part of medical history.  Through some administrative wrangling by Doctor Potter, Fred was assigned to my bedside for the first three months of the nine I was on my back.  The good doctor must have reasoned that it would increase the moral of the star patient to have his smash scene saviour around the ward.  I found out from Fred’s constant up dates that the surgeons were counting on their efforts to be a grand success because the reattachment of my leg meant they would be assured further research funding in the next budget. 

Good on them and half their bloody luck if they can further the noble quest to make artificial limbs a thing of the past.  Whenever he got the chance Fred would eavesdrop on the doctors as they were discussing my case and this kept him pretty up to date on how things were going.  He used to bring his anatomy books into work for me to look through and he’d get all excited as he pointed at the intricate diagrams.  He described each forthcoming operation in graphic detail with a passion that hinted at how much he wished he could be a surgeon.  The illustrations combined with Fred’s well informed dialogue had a profound impact on my self perception. Late in the sleepless night I was browsing through Freds books and exploring the anatomical universe when quite unintentionally I slipped into a new dimension of artistic thought and imagination.  A fresh blast of morph kicked in as I was flicking through the pages which somehow transformed the illustrations into detailed ariel maps. Freds verbal descriptions echoed through my head like flight transmissions and the words,“Mind Over Matter” took on critical significance. An exhilarating new sense of purpose came into being as the hospital ward became a transfer station for inner space travel.  I was bound to a hospital bed with no outlet to externalize the flood of inspiration so I internalized it in the form of a fully conscious tour of my own anatomy.   Base logic told me that the mind can influence the molecular structure of the body and the imagination is a healing tool.  Within the space of this thought I found myself sitting upright in the comfort of a space pod recliner and my finger was resting on the trigger of a lazer equipped healing gun. In wonder and fascination I lifted off from the inner surface of my skull and passed through electrical synapse flashes deep within my brain.  On my arrival at the tip of the spinal chord I hit the thrusters and ascended down to the pelvic bone where I found a capillary exit.  Once in the femoral tendon it was easy navigation to the knee joint where I came to a stop in a vast escarpment of tattered flesh.  Before me was a towering canyon of irreparable cells and tissues, veins and arteries.  I adjusted the laser projectors to maximum spread as I banked the space pod towards the damage zone.  Covering an area about ten times the size of the space pod I was able to shear away large sections of dead and dying flesh in a relatively short time.  My onboard reserve of compressed, life force energies were sprayed with generous abandon all over the injury like a mountain mist on a storm damaged garden.  Newly multiplying cells started popping to life before my eyes and I was filled with relief knowing that my mission had been a success. When my work was done I switched the thrusters to hyper drive up through the top of my head and returned to the normality of hospital life”. 

'Morphine eh! … Wild Shit'.


Long after the initial shock of the trauma I would find myself breaking into a cold sweat as I comprehend how close I had come to death.  The word ‘Survival’ took on a greater meaning than ever before and I started to ponder the importance of an individual life in the infinite scope of creation.  How do human beings differ from ants or bees where the individual holds no real value so the whole might better survive?.  The concept of self preservation became so firmly embedded in my thoughts that I began to imagine what dangers might await me once I was free of the hospital ward.  The world outside now appeared like some kind of hostile and unpredictable hazard zone, where one false move can mean instant death.  The idea of maneuvering a car or a motorbike through the urban road system became less attractive as paranoid imaginings spiraled out of control. Even the act of crossing a city street became a thing to fear.  With my growing sense of caution towards all things man made I became anchored in the carnal platform and the realm of essential physical truth’s. I suppose my brush with death could be compared to the young soldier on the frontline battlefield of war.  He has been recruited by some regime or other to fight for a high and mighty ideal and he sees himself as the well trained and invincible man of the moment.  The universe is infinite in all directions and waiting to be conquered by him and his platoon of young braves.  Then as a stray bullet breaks through his battle weary skin he finds the universe has shrunk to the diameter of the metal slug in his arm.  After a number of extensive micro-surgery operations I received regular skin and bone grafts until the knee had filled out to something of it’s former splendor.  The skin for the grafts was shaved from my thighs and buttocks like long shreds of bacon and large chunks of bone were excavated out of my pelvis.  Six months after I had entered hospital I was hobbling along on crutches and confident enough to take a shower without the aid of a nurse. 

Bugger!, ... There’s no experience that can quite compare with having your testicles sponged by a buxom wench who would look right at home on the centerfold spread in a girlie magazine.  The nurses were great fun and easy to share a joke with, but there was also a mean spirited bull dyke matron who treated every bloke in the ward with contempt and loathing. Being slightly more mischievous than the rest I soon became the target of her scorn.   When there was a rush on and the ward was short of beds she used to say, ... “Stick Steven up with the bone cancer patients, He’s been here for ages, ... he’ll cope”.

Late in the restless hospital night, old men frail and eaten to the bone.

One starts to moan and then another, two more hours till the next shot of peth.

Late in the restless hospital night a young man weeps for the world he has lost. 

Gone are the days of innocent dreams, withering souls at the doorway to death.

                                                   Is this the prime of my youth?

After the last of the skin grafts had healed over and the bone was sufficiently calcified I started feeling cautiously more confident I had beaten my injuries.  I even went beyond the normal mode of fatalistic thinking and started believing I might actually get to keep my lower leg.  One day during visiting hours Doctor Potter stormed into the ward followed closely by a team of other medical staff.  He came to an abrupt stop at the end of my bed and pointing his finger he said,“That’s him”.  All of the visitors were promptly herded out of the room by the nurses and instructions were given to fumigate the ward.  I had contracted a methicillin resistant, staff infection in my leg or the dreaded ’Golden Staph’ as it is more commonly known.  ‘Staphylococcus Aurous’.  It kills the very young and the elderly.  As my bed was being hastily pushed out of the infected ward I was informed that I was in the age group that can best fight the disease, but it was still a very touch and go situation.  I was bundled into a waiting ambulance and carted out to the Northfield Infectious Disease wards.  On my arrival at Northfield Hospital I was placed in a large room at the end of a very long hepatitis ward and there were only two other patients in the room with me.  One of them was in a wheelchair and his name was Murray Todd.  Murray used to be a truck driver before he became disabled and one day he described how he came to be a paraplegic.  He was changing a flat tire on his rig at the side of the road and a passing motorist hit him.  Both his legs were tucked in between the duel wheels of the semi-trailer right up to the base of his spine.  As well as the loss of his lower body Murray had contracted the same God awful infection as myself.  Even though he was rendered mostly immobile he still maintained a good sense of humor and high spirits.  He cracked jokes constantly which helped to drag me out of my morbid and depressing headspace.  One of Murray’s ex-girlfriends was a nurse in our ward.  The old flame had been sparked up prior to my arrival in the ward and they used to engage in hurried late night sessions of horizontal folk dancing.  I was as horny as a three balled tomcat in mating season most of the time and the sound effects coming from just over the thin partition were torture beyond belief.  In the bed directly opposite me there was an old guy called Dennis.  This poor old timer was a passenger in a mini minor that had rolled seven times on the Port Wakefield Road.  In the prang he lost both of his legs and an arm.  He also sustained severe brain damage which left him rambling incoherently most of the time.  Dennis was kept in a child sized, stainless steel crib so that he wouldn’t fall out and hurt himself.  On the nights approaching a full moon when the lights were turned out in the ward streaks of silvery moonlight filtered down through the high, uncurtained windows directly onto Dennis’s bed.  His brain damaged chatter used to keep me awake at the best of times but illuminated in this way it was a deathly spectacle.  The stumps of his limbs would wave around in the crib like stripped palm trees in a blow and he would repeat the same monotonous chant, …..

“I’m only half a man, ... I’m only, ... half a man”.

I stayed in the infectious diseases ward for about a month and in this time my lower leg went from it’s previous life clinging color of pale, orangy pink to a sickly purple and blue infected tone.  The wounds were swabbed constantly in plain old salt water which is the only available option when antibiotics are of no use.  Eventually the usol solution brought salvation to my dying leg and the first tell tale signs of regrowth became evident.  After the worst of the infection was gone the doctors said that I had beat it because my age was just inside of the statistical parameters.  Secretly I knew that my imagination powered healing gun had played an important part in the process but, I didn’t mention it for fear they would send me to the psyche ward.  Once free of the staff infection I was returned to the Royal Adelaide to resume my skin graft treatment.  Two more months of round the clock attention rolled by in a semi-conscious blur of hospital routine.  No more medical complications reared their ugly heads to threaten my progress and I was told by Doctor Potter that my departure from hospital was just around the corner.  I had not felt the wind on my face for the best part of a year and I was yearning for liberty like never before. 

My hospital days eventually drew to a close and I was informed by the nursing staff that I was to be placed on a lighter schedule of medications.  From a steady supply of heavy duty pain killers I was reduced to pitiful offerings of Panadine Forte and with it came the most vivid and horrific withdrawals.  While squirming in the grip of muscle twisting cramps I would be suddenly transported into nightmarish imaginary situations. I think I was having the same kind of fully conscious dreams experienced by the South American Indians when they blast their brains out with Ayahuacha.  During one of the carnal mind trips I found myself down in the concrete mote that surrounds the elephant enclosure at the Adelaide Zoo.  There was a big angry bull elephant in the mote and he was trying to whack me with his trunk as I attempted to scramble up the acutely angled side.  The whole time I was tucked up safe and sound in my hospital bed, but that didn’t do anything to deter the marauding beast that was trying to flatten me.  Another horrific episode took place a few days later and it was so severe I had to be given a calming blast of pethidine.  It happened while one of the nurses was massaging my foot and attempting to stimulate the first signs of movement.  In the confines of my bed I was rigged up in a complex mechanical traction brace which held my bones together through a series of externalized pins and long steel screws.  Where as it had not been there before a long, compressed spring appeared at the side of the splint.  It crawled like a stainless steel worm all the way up my body and around the back of my neck. I started shaking uncontrollably as the pressure of the spring caused my head to lean forward towards the leg.  The whole metallic splint configuration began to fall apart like a kids toy and my lower leg snapped clean off at the knee joint.  The recoiling spring brought it flying up into my mouth with a sickening thud and I couldn’t breath for the blood pouring down my throat.  Unable to scream all I could do was lay there in gagged mortal terror. 

The day I got out of hospital I was so excited that I was up and dressed with the sunrise.  I still had four long steiman pins protruding out of a lower leg plaster so my Levi jeans had to be cut and re secured with safety pins.  I had lost so much weight since last I worn them that I had to pull my belt right back to the last hole.  Arrangements were in place for my parents to come and pick me up at around lunchtime, so I was just hanging around in the reception area counting the moments and killing time.  I was looking forward to life away from hospital but part of me was dreading the thought of returning to the farm.  I had little option to do anything else because I was barely capable of walking on crutches, let alone all of the other stuff you have to do to function properly.  My mother always made such a big deal about the sacrifices she endured to raise her kids and we were made to feel guilty for the smallest motherly service she performed.  I knew it was only her sense of Christian duty that was providing my next bed and not any deep love she might feel for her son.  While I was gazing out of the plate glass windows of the reception area someone called my name and I turned around to see Fred stepping out of an elevator.  He had just finished his night shift and he was on his way home.  I told him that I was being released from hospital and I thanked him for all of his help.  He suggested since I had so long to wait for my folks I could do it at his place which was just up the road.  I was ready to jump at any opportunity to get away from the hospital so we hailed a cab and headed up North Terrace.  Fred’s house was a little cottage which was located right across the road from the intersection where I had my smash.  As we passed over the crossroad in the cab I noticed a distinctive black stain in the spot where I had fallen and it made my skin crawl. 

 Once inside of Fred’s house I was introduced to his younger brother Norm.  It was a big day for me and for Norm also it seemed.  He had just bought a new 750 Triumph Bonneville and the lads had scored a bag of pot to celebrate.  I was quick to let them know I had never smoked marijuana before and Fred replied, “Compared  to the  hard  shit  you’ve  been  on  man,  pot  is  kids  stuff.”  It was the peak of the mid seventies, tacky fashion era and both Fred and his brother looked the part.  Norm had platinum blonde hair slicked back in a ducktail and even though it was quite warm outside he didn’t remove his black studded leather jacket.  Fred looked like one of those characters out of ‘Mod Squad’ complete with handlebars mustache, boutique permed afro hair do and an outrageous floral body shirt.  We were  sitting in the small, untidy lounge room of their bachelor pad and a well sculpted joint like a miniature baseball bat was being passed between us.  I had my leg up on a kitchen chair and I nearly jumped out of my skin every time the joint passed over it.  Both Fred and Norm were seasoned smokers and they were quite creative about the way they cupped the joint between their fingers before taking the next big puff.  As could be expected from a novice like myself I coughed my guts out like a dying tractor the moment the smoke hit my throat.  My coughing fit was greeted with a red eyed delivery of some dope head wisdom from Norm, “If you don’t cough, ... you don’t get off baby”. Fred and his brother seemed to be sharing a private joke as they choofed away and I sensed that it involved me in some way.  Every now and then they would whisper things to each other before cracking up like a pair of naughty chimpanzees.  As Fred was exhaling the last possible puff of the joint he said, ... “How does it feel Steve?”. I said, “Oh! it’s much better now that I’ve got it up on a chair”. “Not  your  leg  dummy, ... your Head”. I stopped to think about it which triggered Fred and his brother to crack up again.  I said, ”Well it’s kinda strange, It feels like my brain just melted and I’m really busting  to take a crap”.  The hysterics exploded again.  I didn’t have the slightest idea what they were on about but that didn’t matter.  Nothing really did.

                                                                                                                                    So  this  is  what  it’s  like  to  be  stoned, ... Mmmm”

 Fred stood up out of his chair in a very exaggerated and official kind of way and commenced to address the group.  He made a little speech about how today was “my “Return to Freedom” and he said we should celebrate the event with a ritual that would allow me to, “Spit in the Eye of Death”.

‘The marijuana molecules were  kissing my brain like shock waves
from an exploding galaxy’

                                                                              ‘I  was  ready  to  go  along  with  anything’

I finally twigged what their private joke was and how it involved me when Norm invited me to ride his newly acquired motorcycle around the block.  More than a little thrown by the offer I reluctantly agreed and they helped me to climb onto the beast with genuine caring gestures.  In a mode of extreme caution I eased the Bonney out of the driveway into the flow of traffic.  It was the biggest and most difficult to handle bike I had ever ridden, but everything worked ok as long as I took the weight with my right leg.  I rode the powerful machine through the intersection and passed directly over the spot where my leg had almost departed my body.  The lads were hooping and hollering as I pulled up back in the driveway and they fell about on the sidewalk in fits of stoned laughter.  Fred was jumping in the air and shouting at the top of his voice, ...

“It’s a Triumph, ... “An absolute Triumph”.




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